Healing From Emotional Abuse & Controlling Relationships

Are you questioning whether what's happening in your relationship is really abuse?

Maybe you've Googled "signs of emotional abuse" late at night. Maybe friends have expressed concern, but you've defended him. Maybe you've told yourself that because he doesn't hit you, it doesn't count as abuse. Or maybe you've started to recognize the patterns but feel ashamed, confused, or terrified about what it means.

You're in the right place.

I help people who are experiencing emotional abuse, verbal abuse, psychological manipulation, and coercive control—including narcissistic abuse. You might not be sure yet what to call what you're experiencing, and that's okay. We'll figure it out together.

Signs You May Be in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Emotional abuse can look many different ways, and it's rarely as obvious as physical violence. It's often subtle, confusing, and difficult to name. You might be experiencing some of these patterns:

In your relationship:

• Your partner criticizes you constantly—your appearance, intelligence, parenting, work, or how you do everyday tasks

• He dismisses or mocks your feelings, making you feel like you're "too sensitive" or "overreacting"

• He controls your finances, monitors your phone or whereabouts, or isolates you from friends and family

• He shifts between being loving and cruel, leaving you constantly off-balance

• He denies things he said or did, making you question your own memory and sanity (gaslighting)

• He gives you the silent treatment as punishment or uses withdrawal of affection to control you

• He blames you for his behavior ("You made me do this" or "If you hadn't...")

• The relationship started intensely—he seemed like your soulmate, showered you with attention, and moved things very quickly (love-bombing)

In yourself:

• You've lost confidence in your ability to make decisions, even small ones

• You feel anxious all the time, especially around him or when you know you'll have to interact

• You've developed people-pleasing behaviors—you say yes when you mean no, you hide your true feelings, you prioritize his needs over your own

• You experience panic attacks, difficulty sleeping, or physical symptoms like headaches or stomach problems

• You feel numb, disconnected from yourself, or like you're just going through the motions

• You've become isolated and don't feel like you can talk to anyone about what's really happening

• You feel ashamed because you're accomplished, intelligent, and capable—this isn't supposed to happen to people like you

Why People-Pleasing Makes You Vulnerable to Abuse

Why is it so hard to leave—or even recognize what's happening?

Many people who end up in emotionally abusive relationships have a history of people-pleasing, high empathy, and anxiety. These aren't weaknesses—they're often survival strategies you developed earlier in life. But they can make you particularly vulnerable to manipulative partners.

People-pleasing shows up as:

• Difficulty setting boundaries or saying no

• Feeling responsible for other people's emotions and happiness

• Chronic self-doubt and second-guessing yourself

• Fear of conflict or disappointing others

• Perfectionism and never feeling "good enough"

• Putting everyone else's needs before your own

Anxiety often manifests as:

• Constant worry and rumination, especially about the relationship

• Difficulty trusting yourself or your perceptions

• Overthinking every interaction and conversation

• Physical symptoms like racing heart, shallow breathing, or feeling on edge

• Hypervigilance—always scanning for signs of danger or disapproval

• An inability to relax or feel safe, even in your own home

In abusive relationships, these tendencies get weaponized. The more you try to please, the more demands are made. The more anxious you become, the more you're told you're the problem. You lose touch with your own needs, boundaries, and reality.

Breaking this cycle means addressing not just the abuse, but the underlying patterns that have kept you stuck.

Types of Abuse I Specialize In

While every relationship is unique, I have extensive experience helping clients navigate these specific patterns:

Narcissistic Abuse: Relationships with partners who display narcissistic traits—grandiosity, lack of empathy, need for admiration, and exploitative behavior. This often includes love-bombing, devaluation, gaslighting, and cycles of idealization and discard.

Coercive Control: A pattern of behavior used to dominate you through intimidation, isolation, monitoring, manipulation, and gradual erosion of your autonomy and sense of self.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse: Ongoing patterns of criticism, humiliation, threats, blame, and emotional manipulation designed to control and diminish you.

Trauma Bonding: The powerful emotional attachment that forms in abusive relationships, making it feel impossible to leave even when you know you should.

You don't need to have the "perfect" label for what you're experiencing. We'll work together to understand your specific situation and what it means for you.

Your Path To Clarity and Healing

In our work together, we will:

Gain clarity and validation. You'll learn to recognize abusive patterns and understand that what's happening to you is real, it's not your fault, and it has a name.

Understand trauma bonding. We'll explore why leaving feels so difficult and develop strategies for breaking the psychological grip of the relationship.

Explore your people-pleasing and anxiety. We'll trace these patterns back to their roots and develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.

Rebuild trust in yourself. You'll reconnect with your intuition, learn to honor your feelings, and make decisions that reflect your true needs and values.

Develop boundaries and communication skills. Whether you're planning to leave, trying to stay safely, or still figuring things out, you'll learn how to protect your wellbeing.

Process complex emotions. Therapy provides a safe space to work through grief, anger, shame, confusion, and the ambivalence that often comes with recognizing abuse.

Create a path forward. Together we'll develop a plan that centers your safety, healing, and autonomy—whatever that looks like for you.

You Don't Have to Have It All Figured Out

You don't have to know whether you're leaving or staying. You don't have to have proof that it's "bad enough." You don't have to call it abuse if that word doesn't feel right yet.

You just have to know that something isn't right—and that you deserve support.

I won't push you to make any decisions before you're ready. My role is to walk alongside you, help you see your situation clearly, and support you in making choices that are right for you and your circumstances.

FAQs

Ready to Take the First Step?

If you're questioning your relationship, struggling with people-pleasing and anxiety, or feeling lost and alone, I'm here to help. Let's start with a free 15-minute consultation to see if we're a good fit.